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Tuesday, June 28, 2011
June 2011 visit to Florida, Grandma's surprise 60th birthday party
Friday, June 03, 2011
Words to Live By
Entries for June 2nd and June 3rd in one of the daily devotionals I read:
Dive deep, O mind, dive deep
In the ocean of God's beauty;
If you descend to the uttermost depths,
There you will find the gem of love.
BENGALI HYMN
A desire arises in the mind. It is satisfied; immediately another comes. In the interval which separates two desires a perfect calm reigns in the mind. It is at this moment freed from all thought, love or hate. Complete peace equally reigns between two mental waves.
SWAMI SIVANANDA
I continue to try to spend time a few times a week (hopefully more now that school will be out after today) for about 30 minutes in meditation, which can basically be described right now as bringing my continually wandering mind back to the passage on which I am meditating. But those periods of time when I muster the mental focus to get through the whole passage (I use The Prayer of St. Francis) it is so gratifying that I immediately want to try it again because of that sense of stillness, of peace. My mind is like an unruly child, though, and it is so sneaky about wandering off. I try not to become too frustrated because that can be a hindrance to meditation, rather I gently steer it back to what it's supposed to be focused on. I tell ya, you never realize what an unruly, undisciplined mind you have until you try to completely focus on a single passage (one you have memorized) for at least thirty minutes. My mind can multi-task, too, because I can be saying the passage in my mind while thinking about something else, much like I can be reading out loud to the kids only to realize I don't even know what I've just read because my mind wandered. Ugh! But I am determined to achieve this ability to have one-pointed attention. I think sometimes I am doing it without meaning to, like when the kids are talking to me when I'm concentrating on something and I literally don't hear what they're saying because I'm focused (which is OK as long as they're not saying something like, "Mommy, this house is burning down."), which shows me I've made some progress. I think it also helped me during my black belt test, to be able to go through all eight empty hands katas and two weapons katas without making a mistake, something which is often hard just during regular training, let alone with the testing board in front of me and a slew of onlookers!
Where does my motivation from this even come from? I have been curious about meditation for awhile, but after reading Eat, Pray, Love I became even more interested as Elizabeth Gilbert described her own experiences with it. But my motivation became stronger because of a huge failure looming in the past as a constant reminder of the importance of being in control of my mind, as opposed to my mind being like an out of control car without a driver barreling down the road leaving destruction in its path. I saw my need to be able to maintain calm despite offense or insult, because I have seen what I am capable of in the absence of that. I am reminded of my failures every time I look in the mirror, every time my kids ask to see their friends we can no longer see, and yet to avoid despair I have chosen to see that failure as a gift; a gift that reminds me of my vulnerability and my need for practicing meditation as a daily part of my life. It reminds me daily that I never want to go through this grief again...
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
warning: brag alert!!!
I know I sent an email about the awards at Mychael's school, but it has to be blogged, as well! Mychael got awards in music, science, social studies, and Latin. For the rest of this entry I copied the email I sent out, because I'm feeling lazy:
I didn't get a picture, but he also got the math award, and the citizen award (one middle schooler and one high schooler). Needless to say, we're proud! The awards ceremony was long but I enjoyed everything about it. I think I smiled the whole time, just thinking over and over in my mind how much I love this school. The teachers (and principal) are some of the kindest, most creative and talented people I have ever been around, it feels like such a privelege that my children have the opportunity to learn and grow there. Thank you for letting me brag, and I hope you all are doing well, love you! Love~Shannon
my little slugger
Zach is definitely a baseball aficionado, this boy would have me outside all day pitching to him or playing catch all day long, he just can't get enough. He plays third base most of the time, or sometimes he stands next to the coach that's pitching (a position invented for coach-pitched baseball). He's a consistent hitter, and even hit a home run at practice on Saturday. I missed picture day so ended up taking my own portraits of him, couldn't you just eat him up??? I'm thrilled that he enjoys sports so much, being diabetic, because it will keep his blood sugars in a healthy range (plus, I can indulge him in some treats because he just burns it off...like Sonic's low-cal cherry slush, a favorite after a hot night at the dojo). My dad taught us to have exercise be a vital part of our lives, for which I am thankful, and I try to teach my kids the same.
tea party
Whenever Jordan's friend, Jenna, comes over to play, they have a tea party (and, yes, Zach joins in with the girly fun). I think they have a little tea with their sugar (or Splenda), but they have fun, anyway. When the weather is nice enough I move the little table to the front porch.
I love my girl
One day recently Jordan had cleaned up her room, and when I saw her bed with her stuffed animals piled all over it my heart filled to the point of bursting with the love I have for her. I always want to remember how she is right now, full of little girl dreams and tenderness. There's no mistaking the horse craziness, either! Right now she talks about adopting a wild mustang...gee, who does that sound like, Mom and Dad? The image of her bed like this captures this point in her life for me, her beloved animals carefully placed, and I think that it strikes me so because my bed must have looked the same way when I was a little girl. I love how alike we are, and yet she's different, too (for instance, she has artistic ability, and is a smart-aleck...oh, wait...). In case I haven't told anyone lately, good gosh I love this girl!
P.S. Don't tell the boys about this post, they already give me a hard enough time saying she's the favorite. She loves it when I say she's my favorite daughter.
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